I've been so tired, sick and in pain and very depressed for the last 3 years and in the last 6 months, my joint pains have increased and when I talk IRL, I
mumble and stumble over simple words that I can't think of plus several other symptoms. I've been hesitant to see a doctor because well, I'm
afraid to find out what is really wrong, I don't have insurance and no job/no money to my name so I'm afraid of the bills and I've just been
depressed and not caring. But my mom finally got sick and tired of everything and called for an appt. in mid-July and I just saw my Lupus doctor last
Thursday. She ordered a bunch of blood work and I had 8 vials taken, the most I've ever had drained from me 
I guess I'm borderline with a thyroid problem, have to have more tests on that. An ANA test that I've always had as negative for the last like 5-6 years came back positive, have to have more tests on that. She also checked my Vitamin D level and I guess normal should be between 30-80 and mine is at 17. I'm anemic and my red blood cells are smaller than normal, actually I think my mom said that even for small red blood cells, mine is on the VERY small side. My sed rate is up, which is an indication of Lupus problems.
What did I do in a past life to be dealt such a shitty body this life?
I tried to be informed of my illness when I first got it, but reading all the shitty problems that can come of it, I had to stop. But lately
I've been looking up stuff again and now I read that once you hit 20 years of having this disease (or I'm thinking 20 years from diagnosis) your life
expectancy goes down to, I think I read 70%. When I hit 20 years, I'll only be 32. It scares me so much to know I could potentially die before I'm
40. I know they are making advances in medicine but when I look at how downhill I've gone in the last couple of years plus not having insurance or money
to pay for the testing, the medicine, the doctors. It just makes me very very sad.
I'm sorry for the novel, I've just been really sad lately and crying today, so I had to get this out. I'm going to go now and cry some more. Thanks to anyone who read
I guess I'm borderline with a thyroid problem, have to have more tests on that. An ANA test that I've always had as negative for the last like 5-6 years came back positive, have to have more tests on that. She also checked my Vitamin D level and I guess normal should be between 30-80 and mine is at 17. I'm anemic and my red blood cells are smaller than normal, actually I think my mom said that even for small red blood cells, mine is on the VERY small side. My sed rate is up, which is an indication of Lupus problems.
What did I do in a past life to be dealt such a shitty body this life?
I tried to be informed of my illness when I first got it, but reading all the shitty problems that can come of it, I had to stop. But lately
I've been looking up stuff again and now I read that once you hit 20 years of having this disease (or I'm thinking 20 years from diagnosis) your life
expectancy goes down to, I think I read 70%. When I hit 20 years, I'll only be 32. It scares me so much to know I could potentially die before I'm
40. I know they are making advances in medicine but when I look at how downhill I've gone in the last couple of years plus not having insurance or money
to pay for the testing, the medicine, the doctors. It just makes me very very sad.
I'm sorry for the novel, I've just been really sad lately and crying today, so I had to get this out. I'm going to go now and cry some more. Thanks to anyone who read
I hope you feel better soon!
I think you are the one who needs a hug.
