I've posted about this before but I'm still having such a hard time with it. There's this guy in my life who I have feelings for. Each time I think
were getting somewhere either he or I pull back because our situation is extremely complicated. He is my nieces dad. As some of you will recall I got custody
of my niece back in Feb. Up until that point I didn't really care for this guy (because I didn't really know him) but over the last 7 months I've
seen a change in him & I got to know him. We got to know one another. He's a really kind, funny, hard working guy who loves his daughter very much
& has turned his life around. A lot of people told me back in Feb. that we were going to develop feelings for each other or we'd end up together but at
the time I shrugged it off. I never in a million years would have thought I'd be sitting here saying this about him. We both are not ready for anything
serious but at the same time, there's something there. It's like we know it's there but can't touch it because of the circumstances. I
don't know whether to walk away or wait it out. It's killing me to not be able to be with him. I'm sure some people will say how bad of a person I
am for having feelings for my sisters ex but it's not like I'm trying to steal him away. They're not together & haven't been for quite some
time. Besides, I never planned this. I didn't ask for this. All my life I've done for everyone else. All my life I've put my wants & needs on
hold to help others. I took care of my grandmother when she became ill. I lived my life for her for years. I did everything for her up until her passing. (back
in April, which left me devistated!) I also did what I had to do by taking my niece in as my own at a time when she needed me. I never expected, or wanted
anything more than to keep her safe & out of a strangers home. However, I got a lot more than I had bargained for. Now I'm left with this emptiness
& I just want to do something for ME, for MY life. Maybe it's meant to be & when the time is right it will all fall into place. Maybe this is my
future, what I've been looking for. Or maybe it's not & I need to let go. I'm sooooo confused!! Why did this have to happen?! Anyone have any
advice? Oh...& I'm also turning the big 30 this week so I'm feeling like I need to get a move on!
Guys u shouldn't want but still do...
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 jgsgal24 |
Guys u shouldn't want but still do... |
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Posts: 248 (07/06/2008 1:40 PM) |
Edited By: jgsgal24 07/06/2008 1:52 PM.
Edited 1 time.
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lonely33 |
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Posts: 1487 (07/06/2008 1:56 PM) |
Let it go. No man is worth the drama that would inevitably follow from you hooking up with your sister's ex. There's too many men who haven't dated
your family out there for you to date your niece's father.
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 249 (07/06/2008 2:08 PM) |
lonely33 wrote:I hear what u're saying but what if it's the real deal & not just a hook-up? Wouldn't all the drama be worth it then? Besides, a few people wouldn't be happy but I'm sure they would eventually learn to except it. Then again...what do I know?! |
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shirleylee118 |
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Posts: 98 (07/06/2008 2:15 PM) |
damnn crazy situation...
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 250 (07/06/2008 2:16 PM) |
shirleylee118 wrote: Believe me...I know! Of course it just had to happen to me! |
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muffinlover |
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Posts: 9554 (07/06/2008 2:16 PM) |
Um. I've done some pretty reprehensible things and not cared about other's feelings, and I don't really like to judge, but messing with my
sister's ex is something I would never, ever touch, regardless of the circumstances. If I wasn't even close to her like I am, I still would not even go
there.
Where is your sister now? I know love knows no bounds or whatever, but this one...yeah I have to say no. |
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JulieAnne20 |
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Posts: 19673 (12/04/2001 3:15 PM) |
I'd step away from him. Just think of the confusion your niece would have. I'd step away for that reason alone, if not for all the other reasons.
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 251 (07/06/2008 2:20 PM) |
muffinlover wrote: She's around but she & I are not close. I see what you're saying but like I said, I didn't expect this. |
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 dlistedceleb |
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Posts: 15633 (07/06/2008 2:21 PM) |
I think you should just let this one go, for now at least. I mean he's just getting things turned around in his life and trying to be a better father and
shouldn't be thinking about trying to get with someone, he's child's aunt at that. Every thing's just too new right now. Doesn't he have
custody of your niece? What if you guys rush into this and it doesn't turn out so well and he doesn't want to see you and thus not allowing you to see
your niece?
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Firefox Goddess |
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Posts: 2936 (07/06/2008 2:21 PM) |
It's going to land you more trouble than what you need right now. It's hard. I mean, I have feelings for my best male friend. He feels for me, but it
can never happen. As much as we care about each other, we care enough about each other to not go beyond a best friend or brother/sister type relationship. The
consequences of us breaking up would destroy us. For the sake of your niece, don't do it. She's the one you really have to think about in this
situation.
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 252 (07/06/2008 2:26 PM) |
JulieAnne20 wrote: Okay, but how?! He has her at nights but brings her to me each morning to take her to daycare. (because he has to be at work too early & besides I've taken her everyday since she's been going there) Also, he goes with my family & I on trips. My sister doesn't go because like I said, we're not close. He goes to help out with my niece & because he wants to spend time with me. Soooo...how can I walk away? I'm afraid I would also be walking away from my niece if I choose to walk away from him. It's just waaaaaaaaaaaay too complicated! |
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 253 (07/06/2008 2:29 PM) |
dlistedceleb wrote: I don't think he would ever keep me from her after everything I've done for her, & him. But I do see where you're coming from. |
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JulieAnne20 |
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Posts: 19677 (07/06/2008 2:29 PM) |
I'm not saying "walk away" as in LITERALLY walk away. I'm saying to keep the terms friendly, but don't go beyond that. You have
self-control, and you should exercise that. Then, you can still see your niece, and everything is on the up-and-up, so to speak. Seriously, I understand your
need to find the right person. But this is not it, and it's not the right time.
I think it's great that you've been so supportive and helpful. |
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AlfTheGreat |
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Posts: 29067 (07/06/2008 2:34 PM) |
You need to get over the feelings. For your niece's sake and for your family's. Seeing your sister's ex is asking for unnecessary drama. Use your
self control and get over the man.
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Sunshine4 |
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Posts: 18402 (07/06/2008 2:40 PM) |
So he doesn't have custody?
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 254 (07/06/2008 2:43 PM) |
Sunshine4 wrote: They have joint custody now, him & my sister. |
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 255 (07/06/2008 2:50 PM) |
And did I mention that his mom & dad, mostly mom is pushing & hoping for us to get together? Just yet another twist!
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VelvetRope11 |
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Posts: 27459 (07/06/2008 2:53 PM) |
This is where being an adult is shitty and hard, but you have to man up and leave the feelings alone. We all have those few people that will always stay with
us and if given a weak moment would love to give into the temptation.
However, you have custody of a little girl and a family that you need to think of. It sucks to have to man up, be a big girl, and put other things ahead of emotions and wants your body is screaming for...but that's part of being adult. Especially apart of being the role model and care giver for a young child. |
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 256 (07/06/2008 2:56 PM) |
jgsgal24 wrote: I had custody from Feb. - first of June. They now have joint custody. |
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 257 (07/07/2008 11:43 AM) |
Shameless bump!
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jgsgal24 |
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Posts: 264 (07/20/2008 8:04 PM) |
Just a quick update.........I decided I'm not going there with him. We haven't been getting along the past few days & like others have said,
I'm afraid he may try to use my niece to hurt me because of our recent problems. I don't think he would do that to me after everything I've done
for him (& her) but I can't be for certain. That's a chance I'm not willing to take right now. I love my niece too much & I would be
devastated if he took her from me. To avoid any drama I'm going to keep my distance, as much as possible. Thanks for the advice!
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